You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
So apparently I’m into choking now
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