Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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