i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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