Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
