I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
