Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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