For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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