mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
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Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
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A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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