i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
