Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
