I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
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then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
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Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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