i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
