Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
