Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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