I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
