Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
