ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
