i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
