how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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