this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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