I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
