don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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