I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
