Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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