I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
