had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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