I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
the condom got lost in my hair
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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