when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
