the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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