Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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