Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Randomize
