I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
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