I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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