I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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