I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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