It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
