Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
