I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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