I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
