Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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