rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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