Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
