if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
