What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
