You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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