You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
