Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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