Already got asked if we're dating
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
