it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
