i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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