I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
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You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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