so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
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Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
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I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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