you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
