she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
It was like getting head from an anaconda
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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