Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
