eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
