I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
