well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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