told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
