Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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