I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
