just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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