hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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