I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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