is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
