he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I am naked and annoyed.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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