i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
