so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
