totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
