how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
