Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
