there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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