I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
