Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
