Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
