If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
