Dual....:-)
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
