sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
