You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Randomize
