my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
