She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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