Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
